Friday, April 17, 2009

UnDiet: The Jelly Bean Diet

Ok so Easter is over and now you have all those jelly beans to eat. Lucky for us a new crop is in and they are salmonella free, which is good cause you've been on a Jelly Bean Diet for a week now. Never heard of such a diet? Let me be the first to explain.

I’m sure you’ve heard the old saying that an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Well, they make apple-flavored jelly beans. If one keeps the doctor away, just think how much healthier you will be after gobbling down a whole handful of apple jelly beans.

That’s not all: they’ve turned bananas, peaches, oranges and just about any other fruit into jelly beans. Even though the orange ones weren’t navels – yes, I checked – they’re still mighty tasty. And a handful supplied me with a full day of vitamin C.

The jelly bean is a bean; otherwise, they would call it something else. Like a banana.

Beans are loaded with protein and fiber, both of which are good for you. Unfortunately, eating too many beans in one sitting can have adverse effects on one’s gastrointestinal system, something not too pleasant for anyone who happens to be near you — like The Wife.

This is not so with the jelly bean. Feel free to eat as many as you want. There will be no gastrointestinal side effects. Although, over time, depending on how many are consumed, there may be a little expansion.

Some jelly beans are even sugar-free, but I don’t know why. Eating sugar-free jelly beans is akin to drinking tea without the sugar. Not only is it not natural. It’s just plain unhealthy.

I guess they make them for those folks from up North. Maybe those jelly bean people can make some of the sugar-free ones taste like grits. That way we can hand them out to all the Northerners that ask, “Hey, what’s a grit?”

After being on the Jelly Bean Diet for a month, you may notice there’s a bit more of you in the bathroom mirror. You may even start to think that it’s time to put down that jar of jelly beans, walk away, and do something really silly — like working out to get back into shape.

When you feel that urge, I have the perfect answer for you. Just smile at the reflection in the mirror, walk right back to that multi-colored jar of joy and grab a handful.

Being round IS a shape, after all, and happiness is a fistful of jelly beans.
But for those that don't prefer the round shape and can't kick the jelly bean habit...Diet Jelly Beans are better.

Craving sugar means your body is hungry and needs energy quick. By adding 100 calories at breakfast and lunch should minimize these sugar craving and keep you from snacking later in the day.